35 days to go...

So now it's getting to the point where I'm getting nervous about the placement itself. It's crazy to think so much energy, planning and organising has gone into a single 2 week placement. I'm nervous about things I'll observe and won't agree with; I'm nervous about not having to speak up and question/challenge practices; I'm very nervous about seeing a situation where a poor outcome was simply a result of lack of resources. I'm terrified about feeling out of my depth and not having my usual pillars of support available - friends, family, my cohort; all the people I don't hesitate to routinely turn to when I need to share amazing news of a delivery just as often as I need a hug, rant and/or cry.
I tell myself these are undoubtedly normal worries and concerns for someone about to embark on such a massive change of culture alone. But then again I won't be completely alone, I'll have the other 4 lovely student midwives to turn to at times.
My professional cool-headed angel sat on my shoulder tells me it'll all be good, these worries are normal and I shouldn't waste energy worrying...but then there's the little devil on my other shoulder screaming panic in my ear as there's plenty to be worrying about, including all the things I still need to buy/do! Well right at this moment in time the angel is drowning out the devil.
So along with my fun bedtime fiction reading (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets at present...and I've somehow managed to read them out of order so far), and my constant perusing of Tanzania and Zanzibar guidebooks and a Swahili phrasebook, I'm also trying to fill my brain with information about obstetric emergencies. I've kinda figured that Tanzania will test my knowledge of these and it's knowledge that will always be of massive value throughout my career. It'll also be really interesting to compare the differences in norms of practice so I kinda want to do some reading up on WHO guidance.
Soon I'm starting a placement on a SCBU ward, another thing I'm a little nervous about but it will certainly be interesting and yet another point where the comparison of care for poorly babies, or infants at greater risk of becoming ill will be particularly interesting between the 2 countries.

Done:
anti-malarial tablets ordered
paperwork and admin bits
a stack of travel toiletries received as a gift from a wonderful friend xxx
got scrubs and found shoes

To Do:
buy shoes
sort insurance
book Zanzibar trip (just waiting for some details to be confirmed then I'll be booking away!)
break open my savings jar (mixed feelings about this - it's so pretty, but it's full of cash lol)

39 days to go....

soooooo I'm clearly not going to win any prizes for being the worlds greatest blogger - I won't even have a chance of a nomination they're so infrequent!
Despite my lack of keeping this up to date, lots of exciting things have been happening. Only 39 days to go!!!!!!
Less exciting but ever so important, I had some of my jabs earlier this week :( although I'm entering into a healthcare profession, I really don't like injections. And as laughable as that may sound there are lots of us who can administer injections and perform venipuncture with ease and confidence yet regress to a terrified 5 year old when it's us on the receiving end. So yes, lots of us can empathise with the women in our care who are terrified of the needle we have to insert into their flesh. And personally I feel a little guilty for doing so, when I know I'm even more of a wuss!
The director of the company I'm travelling with Women & Children Tanzania has arranged a private FB group for those travelling to Tanzania around the same time, so I've been able to make contact with 4 lovely adventurers who'll be around. It's reassuring that although I'm venturing on my own, I'll have other people in the boat with me :) so we've been getting to know a little bit about each other and sharing hints, tips and questions about getting organised as well as trying to plan some touristy activities while we're there - need to make the most of this trip of a lifetime.
I've been busy making my Gemmis jewellery too, had lots of people buying the designs I've made as well as lots of requests/commissions. All profit going towards the trip. I've also got stuff on ebay and a huge stack of things to sell at a car boot sale in the next few weeks-just hope the weather keeps dry. And it's my birthday in just over a week, so my wish list has been full of lots of exciting travelling bits and bobs. And I tried on my whole wardrobe last week and amazed at the amount of suitable hot climate clothing that still fits :D (or I have fitted back into) so I don't need to purchase that many new items of clothing - some shoes for placement, couple of pairs of cropped pants, couple more tees and that's it really.
Oh and I passed second year! whoop! :D As student (and qualified) midwives/nurses often say, this has been a hell of a year. An absolute emotional rollercoaster where times I have thought to myself  'do I really want to do this? What's the point? Is all this hard work really going to be worth it?' and 9-5 jobs advertised have been appealing at times. But I kept on going, along with the rest of my lovely cohort who've also found this year a bit of a battle. And we've all made it. And now we're back on a non-assessed placement being reminded how wonderful this career really is, and glad that we didn't throw in the towel. And with this being a formative placement, it's allowed us to focus on aspects that either interest us as individuals or areas we want to develop our knowledge/skills. So getting to do things we want, rather than things we have to has really reignited my passion. After having such a long stint questioning my ability, I'm now feeling confident that I am progressing well, I do know things, I can share knowledge and I'm getting there. I'll never know everything and I like the thought I'll always continue to learn and develop but I do know stuff.

To do list:
sort out my indemnity insurance
finalise travel insurance
book trip and accommodation to Zanzibar
lots of little paperwork admin bits to complete
buy anti-malaria tablets
make a packing list